The Definitive (Shallow) Guide to March Madness

Posted on March 18, 2014 by jsimpson112013

Also the guide to winning a BILLION dollars.

Step 1: put on some pump up jams, such as Timber, Wake Me Up, Papa Loves Mama (Garth Brooks is a no brainer) and Sexy Back

Step 2: Print out a blank March Madness Bracket

Step 3: Collect the teams Mascots and Star Players

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Step 4: Determine who wins each match up by the ferocity of the mascot and the attractiveness of the star player. If all else fails, choose the team with the better overall ranking or the team with the most familiar names (hint: this ranking is provided to you by the NCAA)

Step 5: Submit your selection to YAHOO! for the Billion Dollar Bracket and to your office pool. SPOILER ALERT – There is a reason they call it MARCH MADNESS [ SO many teams]

Best of Luck! You’re Welcome.

Mid Week Pick Me Up

NBA’s Most Eligible Bachelors

Gallery | Posted on March 3, 2014 by jsimpson112013

This season for the Lakers has been especially rough. Both Steve Nash and The Black Mamba are out indefinitely, and the remainder of the team has been plagued with a string of unfortunate injuries. We may have entered the Dark Ages. The Lakers played a game with 5 players AND on more than one occasion the coaching staff dressed in uniform, ready to step in (this is NOT a joke).

It’s hard to watch these games. More often than not, the great purple and gold fall by 20+ points. In the event that they pull out a win, it’s sloppy at best. To alleviate the pain, lets admire some of the NBA’s most eligible bachelors.

In no particular order, here are the top 6:

Nick Young: With his “Swaggy” style and contagious smile, Nick Young is pretty attractive. Add the number of instagram videos and pictures of his adorable son and he is irresistible. Rumor has it he is currently dating Iggy Azalea . Fun Fact: they met on twitter when Nick put her up as his #wcw. There is hope for you yet #mcm

Danilo Gallinari: Check out that smirk! Gallinari may be injured, but he has one hell of a court-side manner. Danilo is an italian hunk. At the young age of 25 he’s the perfect “Mr. Right Now”. Considering that he modeled for Armani, its safe to assume he looks good in a suit.

Xavier Henry: With his piercing green eyes and playful smile, Xavier is the guy you want to show off to your parents. Until proven otherwise I’ll assume he is an eligible bachelor.

Kevin Love: Not only is he tall and quick on his feet, Love is a momma’s boy, aka the perfect gentleman. As a UCLA grad, he’s well educated, knows how to wear a suit, and may be by default a Lakers fan. Kevin Love to LA

Dwight Howard: disclaimer: I hate Howard. mainly because of the fool he made of himself and the city of Los Angeles with that sour deal last year. All of that aside, he is a pretty good looking dude, even with that goofy grin and his big-mouth.

Serge Ibaka: Washboard abs. Engaging Smile. Those Abs. This 24 year old from the Congo plays for the great OKC and is a decorated olympian. With 17 siblings, you know he’s a family man.

MWPMU: The Art of the “SELFIE”

Posted on October 10, 2013 by jsimpson112013

The “”selfie”” has become increasingly popular and significantly more annoying with the rise of social media. People enjoy showing off to their peers or to their fans, should they be famous, or “insta famous”.

If you follow me on Instagram (follow me here !) you can see that I don’t take very many “selfie’s”. When I do, they end up being incredibly awkward. I don’t understand that art of the “selfie”. How do you take a great photo while holding your phone out in front of your face? The front facing camera isn’t great – at least not on my iPhone 4S. It’s pretty difficult to get a great “selfie” using the back camera. How many photos is it acceptable to take before posting your next “selfie” work of art?

Apparently, the “selfie” started by the one and only Sir Paul McCartney

It looks like he is pulling one over on America – it is estimated that the “selfie” has actually been around since 1900 with this fine lady.

Celebrities are HUGE fans of “selfie”s. I’m sure all of the likes and comments they receive on each photo helps grow their egos.

Kendall and Kylie Jenner believe they have mastered the art of the “selfie”. Their advice? Use your smartphone and don’t stand directly in the sun.

Miley posts “selfie’s” on the daily, SMILERS are often gifted with more than one.

Ryan Gosling might be too cool for “selfie”s. But since he is so nice to look at, here is a wonderful picture of him.

Feeling really great today? Need another ego boost? Go ahead – post a “selfie”. But be warned, everyone avoids the person at the cocktail party who can’t stop talking about how great they are. Reality check: you probably aren’t that great.

My advice: if you really want to post a “selfie”, make it as awkward as possible.

hello awkward

Have any “selfie” advice? TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

P.S Don’t forget to “Like” A Nenny Life on Facebook

Mid Week Pick Me Up: Miley Does It Again

Posted on September 24, 2013 by jsimpson112013

I’m not embarrassed to admit, I’m most definitely on Team Miley Cyrus. Although her VMA performance was ~~somewhat~~ entirely unexpected and a bit raunchy, she definitely got her point across. Everyone needs to cut her some slack – her hunky fiancé broke up with her only to be caught philandering with some model all over Vegas less than a week later. She’s 20 years old. Unlike the rest of us, she didn’t have her college years to be stupid, party too hard and make some questionable decisions. I’m not saying that I would prance around stage with a foam finger (and I’m sure this will make another appearance), but I’ve been known to throw down some AWFUL dance moves that make everyone cringe.

This week Miley is in a wonderful Rolling Stone article, although I’m not sure why she chose to get Rolling $tone tattooed on her feet. She is also featured on “23” by Mike Will Made it – although by watching the video, I assumed this was her song.

Lets be clear – I am NOT a fan of rap music. or whatever category this fits in. I don’t always understand what they are saying and I feel completely ridiculous attempting to sing along. Side Note: it goes without saying that Jay Z is the exception.

I have to admit, I’m kind of sort of really feeling this song. I didn’t understand that they were talking about Michael Jordan at first, we can chalk that up to a blonde moment, and I wish she would quit smoking, it is not sexy or attractive or badass. I’m not really sure what “high on perp” means. Its one of two things: one, “purple drank” or two, she’s psyched on the fact that she could be a perpetrator or a criminal. She should steer clear of both choices. I’m pulling for Miley to make it past the Lindsay Lohan “welcome back to rehab and jail” stage or the Britney Spears circa 2007 stage. It helps that Queen Britney is team Miley.

TEAM MILEY.

p.s Don’t forget to “like” A Nenny Life on Facebook !

Mid Week Pick Me Up: An Open Letter to Jeffery Campbell

Posted on September 18, 2013 by jsimpson112013

My dearest Jeffrey:

Let me start by saying how much I adore your shoes and the brand as a whole. They allow me to get in touch with my inner “hipster”, as much as I hate that word and all of the interesting connotations that go along with it. I spent almost 6 months searching for the regina wedges in my size – I had almost given up when Nordstrom came to the rescue. Great news for me ! Now I wear these almost as much as my oxfords. I thank you for that.

shoe obsession

I have one minor issue with your brand, the cats. Why are there cats on and inside of every single box? The pink lid and the classic Jeffrey signature are wonderful. But the cats. They get me every single time. and not in a good way.

Do people actually adopt the cats listed on the inside of the box, resembling the “help-wanted” section of the newspaper? If your goal is to get consumers to adopt animals and keep them from abuse and starvation, why not reach out to ALL animal species instead of the cats that scour the internet?

The least you could do is include dogs. Who doesn’t like puppies? Just put a few puppy pictures in there and every girl or boy who purchases your shoes will melt. It’s almost impossible for women and certain men to look at pictures of puppies without cooing at them. Imagine the amazing things that could happen if you put all of these puppies together in one place for your consumers to play with and potentially adopt ! I already have an adorable puppy, but I don’t think I could resist another precious little puppy face.

It would probably help if I explained my distaste for cats. Simply put, they just don’t like me. Every cat I have ever been around has hissed and scratched and clawed at me, provided they still had their claws. Apparently large cats can smell fear, making it a definite possibility that these awful feline’s detect my displeasure. Dog’s on the other hand, they love me. When you come back from vacation they are always happy to see you. Leave them outside all day? No big deal. My puppy has a grand old time playing in the dirt. Cats? Beware. they might be eaten by a coyote (although this also applies to my puppy. she’s too small to go outside alone in the dark).

Lucky for you and lucky for me, I can get past the cat box. Just keep making excellent shoes that always fit perfectly.

I do hope all of the cats and kittens get adopted. Best of luck,

Your crazy fan,

Nenny

P.S I like surprises. It would be a HUGE surprise to see a puppy picture inside my next purchase.

P.P.S: This is my adorable puppy Dixie (sorry for the flash!)

Mid Week Pick Me Up (3.0)

Posted on May 29, 2013 by jsimpson112013

Only Serious Applicants Need Apply

What is it about being 21 and in the Suburbs that makes it so difficult to find a man? I’m not THAT picky, I just have high standards. Besides the fact that I’m surrounded by attractive dads, 17 year old boys or the standard awkward ~~man~~-child that still lives with their parents, it shouldn’t be this difficult. Not too toot my own horn or anything, but I think I’m a pretty good catch. I’m smart, I have a real job, and I’m hilarious. Best of all: I have really cool eyes. No lie, they are a million different colors.

Clearly, I am doing something wrong. I guess I can’t find any suitable men in the Nordstrom shoe department. Instead, I’ve created the next best thing- A “Wanted: Boyfriend” Personal Ad. This is almost as good as online dating, almost because anyone can apply, which is obviously a perk (i think…)