Advice | A Nenny Life

Words of Wisdom

Posted on December 17, 2013 by jsimpson112013

Life Motto #1: Keep That Ego in Check [or you will be sad, lonely, friendless and potentially poor]

There will always be someone less intelligent, less funny or less attractive than you.

At the same time, there is always going to be someone smarter than you. Chances are there is someone 10 times smarter than you.

Be cautious of your soaring ego. If it soars too high, you’ll never catch up.

Just in case you don’t feel that I am a credible source for advice, check out the great Einstein [disclaimer: I have no way of knowing if he actually said this. Or if it is one of those wonderfully terrible internet concoctions]

Yours truly, Jenny

Road Rules

Posted on October 28, 2013 by jsimpson112013

The 405 might be the worst freeway in the US. Followed closely behind all of those Turnpikes on the East Coast, I’ve been lost on the New Jersey Turnpike more times than I’d like to admit.

Basic rules/tips to survive driving in the City of Angels:

Merging: When you get on the freeway you need to merge into fast-moving traffic. Do NOT merge on the freeway at 35mph. Not only is this dangerous, you anger other drivers. Beware, the person you cut off may be having a truly horrible day.
Lane Ending/exit only lane: When the lane you are in is ending, you are given plenty of warning time to move over. If you are that jerk that wait until the last possible minute to get over so that you can be two seconds ahead of the rest of the cars, I will not let you over. I waited my turn, you can wait yours.
The 405 and 101 interchange: This will always go hand in hand with traffic. Do not be that person that cuts in between the two lanes up until the last quarter-mile hoping to get their faster. News flash: the traffic isn’t moving in either lane. Calm down
Speed limit: The speed limit on most CA freeways is 65mph. PLEASE drive at least 65. Even if you are in the slow lane, don’t cruise along at 45-50. This is DANGEROUS. and incredibly irritating for all other drivers. The only people driving under 65 should be truckers, and maybe families driving fancy motorhomes. Likewise, don’t zip through the slow lane at 90mph, everybody hates you.
Personalized License Plates: I don’t understand why people pay for these. If you are driving around with a personalized plate that says “RDNDRTY”, “CHILNM3” or some similar variation, I automatically assume you are a self-absorbed asshole. Sorry, I’m not sorry. If you really have the need to express yourself and your clear masculinity, buy a clever bumper sticker. It costs less, and should you grow up and realize no one cares that you’re “Riding Dirty”, you can remove the sticker. No harm, no foul.
Bumper Stickers: bumper stickers are not the worst invention, when used appropriately. If you want to decorate your car with bumper stickers, limit yourself to 3 stickers. Anything more than that is obsessive. There is no need to have any old, expired political bumper stickers. You also don’t need to put a cross or other religious symbol on your window. My personal favorite: the family bumper stickers, pets included. WHY in this day and age would you list your entire family AND everyone’s names ? Do you know how many creepy people there are? By putting this on your car, you are essentially inviting pedophiles and other creeps to stare into your vehicle and potentially knock on your door (if you park your car in the driveway).
Red lights: Don’t be stupid. Don’t run them
Proper etiquette: If you have to cut someone off, wave to them as if you are saying “Thank you”. They may be irritated that you cut them off, but at least you acknowledged them.

Signing on the Dotted Line

Posted on September 10, 2013 by jsimpson112013

*Disclaimer: I bought a new car this weekend. This does NOT make me an expert on the subject.*

Buying a car is an incredibly stressful process. Before you hit up all the dealerships on the block, it’s best to sit down and set a budget, clearly defining your down payment and the max amount of money you can afford per month in payments. Once your budget is clearly defined you should begin to research cars on the market and determine what type of car is in your price range. Are leather seats a requirement? Do you need navigation? Do you want a sedan, coupe, SUV, convertible or something else? Does color matter? Do you need heated seats?

There are many resources on the internet to assist you in finding your perfect car. I recommend Edmunds.com – It’s easy to find the reviews for a particular car as well as the recommended pricing. Once you have narrowed down the parameters for your future car, set aside a few days (entire days, ex: saturday) to spend at the dealerships. It is important to test drive a few vehicles, even if you are 100% sure that the first car you drove is THE car.

Pimp my ride ?

The Auto Mall in Westlake Village is the biggest Auto-Mall in this area. I spent a good portion of Saturday and all day Sunday driving from dealership to dealership, only to end up at Calabasas Acura 101 West. (I highly recommend them. They were incredibly professional, patient and very kind. It also helps that Acura’s are great cars).

The car salesmen (yes, all men) that I met last weekend fall into three separate categories, or generalizations:

The Awkward Turtle: This salesman is courteous enough to be friendly, but not entirely genuine with his delivery. He is openly nervous and a little uncomfortable with this environment. Don’t be surprised if he talks too much about little things or if he continuously apologizes for himself, even though he’s done nothing wrong. While polite and altogether pleasant, this particular salesman doesn’t come across as particularly knowledgable.

On the plus side: He isn’t aggressive, which means there is no added pressure to buy a car.

Mr. Prada: You can spot this fish from a mile away. He has greasy, slicked back hair and he may or may not be balding. Keep and eye out for brown, rounded square “Prada” shoes. Chances are he will see you before you see him, you can’t escape. Mr. Prada will do anything he can to ensure that you find a car you want, or at least one that you like enough to spend a nice chunk of change on. He won’t understand why you like one car more than another, generally because he doesn’t care to find out.

Unfortunate Attributes: You may feel guilty for not buying a car. Just smile as you slowly walk away

Benefits: He WANTS to sell you a car. You may get a killer deal just so he makes his numbers.

Mr. College: My personal favorite. Usually, this particular salesman is young, attractive and incredibly helpful. He knows its not in his best interest to push and does whatever he can to make you comfortable with the car and everything involved with the purchase. With his charm and good looks, its an easy job – Women (including myself) are initially blinded by the attractiveness of the salesman and often miss the first part of the pitch. There is a lot of paperwork and time involved in buying a new car – it doesn’t hurt to have something nice to look at while you wait.

Confession: I bought my car from Mr. College. He was very cute and he might have been Jewish (his last name was questionably Jewish)

Another thing to remember when you purchase a car: additional warranty packages are not always necessary. According to Forbes, these warranty packages are often sold with a 100% mark up. If you are worried about the electronics or other warranty-covered parts of your car breaking (especially on used cars), take a look at third party warranties. Third Party Warranties often cover the same parts and labor of the manufacturers warranty for a fraction of the cost (SOURCE). Remember to ask the dealership how much the extended warranty really costs – they have a tendency to talk in terms of monthly payments, which makes the warranty seem significantly cheaper.

Buying a car in the near future?? Best of luck! Share your car salesmen stories in the comments below!

For more information on car shopping, check out EDMUNDS

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You Already Know: VEGAS, Labor Day Weekend

Posted on September 3, 2013 by jsimpson112013

Vegas.

Rooftop view at The Cosmopolitan

It’s hot. It’s colorful. It’s loud. It’s Ridiculous. It doesn’t fit in with the rest of Nevada and it has a great backstory.

If there is anywhere to feel insignificant, judged, accepted and king of the world all at the same time, its in VEGAS. One of the few places where it is acceptable to stay up all night, lose significant amounts of money, temporarily misplace your dignity AND then walk around like you just won the lottery within a 24 hour period.

Vegas defines the meaning of being a small fish in a big pond. Unless, of course, you are one of the original Mob Bosses, or a gambling high roller with a permanent pent house at the Bellagio. The best place to feel like a small fish? The Clubs. Especially the new clubs working on their exclusive street cred.

The worst offender? Hakkasan.

Hakkasan is, in two words, overrated and ironic. The billionaire, middle eastern backer of Hakkasan created this club under the assumption that it would be the biggest, baddest club in vegas. With over $100 million dollars of renovations and securing consistent performances with huge DJ’s, such as Avicii and Calvin Harris, Hakkasan generated some serious buzz. Due to the famous DJ’s and the appeal of a new, big club Hakkasan earned the right to be exclusive. Don’t expect to have a spot on their guest list unless you or a close friend spends close to $100k per year there. If you spend less than that, don’t expect any respect or special treatment – they don’t need you to make money.

Want to sit down and stay a while? I hope you won big in vegas – tables don’t come cheap. Rumor has it the clubs main clientele are filthy rich middle-aged men with plenty of cash and plenty of time. They spend the day gambling large and the night drinking and hanging out with beautiful women. Exclusive has a new meaning here: some of the club promoters have gone so far as to ask potential guests to send them pictures, just to make sure they meet the club’s new standards. WIll this last? Who knows. Some of the locals have begun to suggest that models and other good looking women take their business elsewhere, such as Marquee, XS or Light to experience a more friendly atmosphere.

Looking for the irony behind the extremely successful and exclusive club? The Middle-Eastern backer supported this club ONLY because he felt that he was wronged in Vegas when he wasn’t given the table he requested. This billionaire decided that he wanted to show the rival clubs a lesson. Has he succeeded? Only time will tell. For now, its hard enough to get in the door. Without some serious cash to spend, who knows if you will receive the respectful treatment the billionaire expected elsewhere.

PLEASE let me wear Sperry’s instead of heels

I spent Labor Day Weekend in VEGAS with some of my best friends and had an absolute blast. I won 90 cents on a slot machine, ate too many french fries, got a decent tan and did some serious window shopping.

I’m not really big on clubs, I’d rather spend my weekend going to shows (chippendales anyone?) and shopping at The Forum shops in Caesars Palace. I tried to see David Guetta on Sunday Night… Imagine my disappointment when i discovered he wasn’t going on stage until 2 AM! I heard the first half of one song before I left, I guess this grandma just can’t hang.

Did you spend the weekend in Vegas? Let me know how you feel about Hakkasan, vegas and the club scene in general in the comments !

Advice

Change

Image | Posted on July 15, 2013 by jsimpson112013

Always something to keep in mind.

Perspective.

Posted on May 5, 2013 by jsimpson112013

“Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”

I never really understood the truth behind that until today. Maybe I’m a little bit selfish, but I have never spent the time to consider the burdens of others.

This morning I went to brunch with a few respectable women. One of the women in the group shared her story with us, reminding us that you can change your life and your perspective. She was an alcoholic spiraling out of control, she had reached Rock bottom (her words) and had “scheduled” her suicide. After all of these things that happened to her, she is grateful to be alive and doesn’t blame anyone or anything for what happened. Her new outlook on life is inspiring, and something she said stuck with me- “We all have a crutch, be it alcohol, meditation or something else. This crutch is the solution to a problem – not the problem”. From the outside looking in, we assume that a troubled individual needs to quit drinking or stop taking drugs and then things will be hunky dory.The truth is, you have to get to the core of the problem. Perhaps, we all need to spend a little more time working on what’s inside.

I think this woman has an incredible story that should be shared. She developed her own system of meditation, and appears to be very at peace with herself. I’m incredibly cynical, especially with anything related to meditation or holistic medicine. I can’t help it, I just have a really hard time believing that something like that can work; I find myself looking for scientific evidence. Despite my reservations, I’ve decided to give it a shot – just a few minutes a day to sit still. Although this may not work for me, it works for others and I respect that.

Sometimes we move through life without stopping to smell the roses. (Sorry for speaking in cliches). Its the little things in life that matter the most. What do you want to remember when you are 85, watching your grandchildren or great grandchildren grow up? Are you going to be preoccupied with that one test you failed, or with the boy who broke your heart last summer? Not likely. You probably won’t be concerned about your water bill or the fact that you ate ramen for three months straight to make rent. I would like to believe that you’re going to remember the good times. The time you laughed so hard you peed your pants, the time you broke into your house because you couldn’t find your keys (they were in you purse the entire time) or the time you ran out of gas and a team of runners had to push your car up a hill. You’ll remember your big life events – your biggest birthday, the first time you fell in love, the day you got engaged, the day you got married, the day your sister/best friend tied the knot, the day you have children and everything in between. You can’t go back in time, its useless to live with regrets. Learn from your mistakes, live in the moment. These were the cards you were dealt – you have the power to make them great.

I think that is what meditation is all about. Learning to let go and just be for a short while. I was told to start with a few minutes every day for seven days. Im apprehensive, but its worth a shot. I can do anything for seven days. Maybe I’ll become a believer. At the very least I’ll understand the benefits of meditation.

Welcome To The Real World

Posted on May 2, 2013 by jsimpson112013

It’s about time I found a big girl job. I am now officially working full time 8-5 monday through friday. I can’t believe its almost been a year since I graduated. I still have no idea what I’ve been doing and still have no idea where I’m going to be – I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone where I’ll be next year.

In the time since I’ve graduated I’ve had plenty of experience with bad interviews. Instead of the usual “helpful hints to wow your interviewer” I thought I would share with you what NOT to do – I find these guides to be far more helpful. At the very least, you’ll be amused

Smile. A Lot. Smile so much that you look like Sheldon Cooper

Wear Minimal Clothing and hope that your interviewer is an older woman. She will judge you. Beware of the perverted older man he might decide to hire you based on the sole fact that you look like one of the strippers he checks out every Tuesday at dollar night

Questions for the interviewer: Never come prepared. When they ask if you have any questions shrug your shoulders or mumble something along the lines of “what is the job title again?”

Goal: It is best if you do not know your Long Term Career Goal. The best way to respond to this question is- “I haven’t really figure that out yet. I’m still young. I have time to figure it out. Really I just want a job. Do you think I’ll get this one?” Prepare yourself for a generic head nod and the “We’ll call you” response. Don’t worry- you won’t get a phone call

Stare at the ground. Interviewers love it when you look them in the eye and appear engaged in the conversation. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Stare at the ground and nod your head methodically every 30 seconds or so for good measure.

Makeup: Always wear the newest fads in makeup. This includes neon lipstick and one of the MAC collection eye shadows. (this is not applicable for jobs in fashion- its always good to be outside of the box)

CHEW GUM. Making sure you are popping your gum the entire time- this works best if you chew like a cow.

Leave your CELLPHONE on. Make sure you have alarms set for the middle of your interview. Even better, take a phone call during your interview- You definitely won’t get the job.

Leaving the interview: Don’t’ say thank you. Don’t shake the interviewers hand. Run out of there so fast that the interviewer is confused by your absence. Interviewers hate being confused.

I guarantee you will not get a call back and you will not be asked in for a second interview.

Music Festivals 101

Posted on April 30, 2013 by jsimpson112013

I spent last weekend at Stagecoach in Indio, California with my best friend. This may have been one of the greatest weekends of my life. Cowboys, country music and beer – can’t get much better than that. I think I may be having stagecoach withdrawals; I’ve been listening to Toby Keith all day.

Some people have no common courtesy, and I definitely didn’t realize I needed to bring SO MANY things for a successful weekend. Since the summer will be full of awesome music festivals (Outside Lands, Bonnaroo to name a few) here’s what you should and should not do, for the benefit of yourself and others.

Wear Sunscreen: Sunburns hurt and no one wants to look like a cherry tomato halfway through the first day. When it’s over 100 degrees and there is minimal shade, reapply all day long.

Bring Chairs and blankets: I don’t care how “uncool” you think that is. Chairs and blankets save you a nice spot on the main stage AND give you somewhere to sit and relax between sets. Sometimes you need a mid day nap.

Stay Hydrated: Water is your friend. So is beer. Please Please Please don’t be that guy that is drunk before noon. Don’t get too rowdy. Everyone else at the festival doesn’t want to deal with your nonsense.

Snacks: hide snacks everywhere possible in your bag. Food is expensive, especially if you want to eat all day like I do. The stingy security team will make you throw everything out- I’m still a little bitter.

Misters! I wish I had one of these. They also sell them at the event. It’s amazing how good the cold water feels when it’s so hot you’re melting.

Makeup: don’t wear any. Or at least don’t cake it on. It is going to be hot. You are going to sweat. Your makeup will drip down your face. Everyone is hot and sweating. Don’t worry, you will survive without makeup for a few days and you will still look your best.

Can’t wait to go back next year. I need some more Florida Georgia Line in my life. A few more cowboys won’t hurt either.

Lose your kid? No problem.

Check out this related article from The Empty Mason Jar